For so long…

For so long I have lived with my pain…

I think about it everyday…about you and why you are the way that you are…

I have for the last 12 years, been in so much turmoil…trying to move on, thinking I am the problem…but yet I find myself back at the beginning!

It has taken me a while, a while to be able to even write this on my blog! Always questioning myself…whether I am doing the right thing…

I feel now is the time, time to say it and own it and bury it…there is no more hope…

I have spent so many years crying, hurting…and when I see how beautiful I am as a mother, I don’t want my children to wallow in my pain too…

No matter how old you are, you want your mother’s unconditional love and support! And even more so when you never got it from the beginning…the void and pain left for you, is so undescribable…

Words alone can never express the damage, but I live with hope…hope for my soul, to be free from this void…

I want to feel happy with all that I do, right or wrong…my mistakes, I learn from them…I don’t want to share my life anymore…simply because all I ever receive as encouragement is negativity…

The best part of me, seems to be soaked up by my void…my anger towards your empty Love…I can now accept that after all my outburts to you, you still don’t get it…
I have poured my heart to you, pleaded with you….but you still always take me back there…

I just want to be free…free to live without your permission or your consent…๐Ÿ•Š๐Ÿ•Š๐Ÿ•Š

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s