All posts by gisosi03

About gisosi03

A devoted mother to 3 beautiful angels, dedicated to their little souls. I am a very passionate and creative person, a realist. I enjoy doing what I love with plenty of passion and dedication. I am very good with my hands and I in awe of learning and exploring. I have so many life experiences and lessons and I enjoy writing, so now I would like to blog and share my experiences, thoughts and opinions with you. Hope you get something out of my page. Happy Reading!

My Father, My Mother…

My father was my foundation, he was the very rock that I stood on…My father was my mother!

He didn’t carry me for 9 months, but he directed me for many years…

He did his best, he did everything to protect me, to nurture me, to guide me and most importantly to Love me with no conditions…

He would often say “when I die you will see” “when I die you will cry! 

Oh boy, 12 years after he left me here and I am still in tears…

For what he protected me from, I could no longer avoid…

My father was truly an exceptional man! He was more like a woman, his love had and still has a resounding effect. My sweet father, missing you is always too much…

Now I venture in this world, a mother myself and I totally see who I am, from having such amazing love from you, my one and only father….you were also my one and only sweet mother…

Truly words are never enough to express the devotion and love I got from you, you left us way too soon.

R.I.P Philip πŸ•ŠπŸŒ·πŸŒ»πŸŒΊβš˜πŸ΅πŸŒΉ

Admittance…

Owing and accepting the errors of your ways…first step towards retribution…

A chance to maybe repent and reform or repent and repeat…

The lessons learnt daily, are valuable to change, growth and renewal of my being!

Sorry just doesn’t cut it all out, repeating the same action nullified tje apology…

Now I get it, I have to be mindful and careful as I am in repeat mode…

I have to genuinely face my self, for admitting to myself the errors of my ways, will I begin to set myself free…

Flying solo…

I am free, well I feel free…mentally I have the power to set my mind free…

A lesson learned well after, you see in this very moment…I am faced with many actions by others, intended to disrupt me…but I have learned a few life lessons…

I am not allowing the emptiness of others drain my full cup…

It shouldn’t be a battle…it should just be easy! Easy as it is now, for me to be free…flying free and solo! 

I won’t join the bandwagon, I won’t stoop low….I am standing with my head up my darlingπŸ’ŸπŸ•Š

My time will come…

Yesterday whilst reading my daily devotion, I came across this amazing teaching:  “FOCUS ON WHAT REALLY MATTERS”! 

Indeed this is the whole point…blessed and content with all that I have and that is what truly matters…

I believe that the time for me to evolve further with my writing will come. I am passionate about expressing myself…and learnt lately come 2017, that my very own self needed polishing!

I am working with myself, ensuring that I am focused. Because this journey was never planned…but my focus was displaced…until I became a mother!

Oh yes, this was my calling. I never envisioned my life now, I had other ideas…so I strongly believe that there is time for everything under the sun, moon and stars…for as long as God keeps me. 

Patience and perseverance…from the depths of my heart comes this message…. Rebecca, focus on your blessings…don’t fret about all the gifts you have. Use your talents to nurture yourself, let your children learn from you…

Stay awake and stay true!…because time is of the essence. 

Weakness…My Love

When I love, I love hard…

When I start, I give my all…

Even if love grows and trust grows…I still enter completely…

No half measures, No games…just loving you hard!

I sleep well knowing that I love wholly…

I can’t change my beautiful soul, I can only recognize, accept and continually nurish my Love…

The wave at the moment…

I get this feeling at least once a month, feelings in different propotions. I get completely full, my mind overflows. I analsye this, and discern what I think relevant….but it all comes down to the most important, the power of the mind.

I am a thinker and a speaker, but only time has taught me that I can think whatever but can’t speak whatever.

I am on this life journey and the wave changes periodically. For the first time since I can recall, the period of my life finally feels good…

I am much more stronger, in my self and how I can truly be myself. The most I can and have done is to change the ways that didn’t favour my life…

I can honestly appreciate all that has been, praying constantly that I can also appreciate all that will be…

So my energy gets channeled according to my wave, so I can be in calmness and tranquility as this life throws me wherever it wants to.❀

A new dawn, a new day…

Yes and so it shall be…

I have natutally been feeling so good lately…

Got rid of something that wasn’t good for me…and now I feel amazing!

I have been home, enjoying redecorating…enjoying my babies…enjoying my new work contract…

I will write about work eventually, but right now I feel so alive…so grateful to be here this morning again for a new day…

I am happy and blessed and I know foremost acknowledgement goes to GOD Almighty! I am in tune and in line and it feels amazing!

Forget about tomorrow and even yesterday, just focus on today…

Here are a few bible verses that have been so helpful lately! The bible is such an amazing book…

“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten– the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm.” Joel 2:25

“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.” Hebrews 10:35-36

May God be with you all, today and always πŸ•ŠπŸ•ŠπŸ•ŠπŸ•Š

I am on a mission…Autism Awareness

What do I think I am going to achieve?

When it comes to #Autism I am most certain that I am on a mission and this journey, started when I realised that my daughter was sent to me for a reason….

She was sent to me and the world for a crucial reason…to educate, to elevate and most importantly to love unconditionally…without judging!

I was shouting from the roof top yesterday  (At a particular TK Maxx store, London)…

So after school, we all went to get a few bits…you can never plan for it or predict it…

We had food first, our moods were all great…then we ventured into the big store…the huge lion’s denπŸ™ˆπŸ™‰πŸ™Š

Sofia kept on touching (she can’t keep her hands still and to herself) her siblings touched a few items too…I was scared something would break! And besides when we are in shops I always say to my babies “look but don’t touch” So I continuously asked them all to not touch…but only Sofia resisted…

Well well well…all hell broke loose in a matter of seconds and before I knew it, I began preaching to much ignorance (breaks my heart this world)…

She refused to refrain, and even though I know it is hard for her to as it’s a part of her…unfortunately in society she has to conform, otherwise she will be labelled and rejected! And besides she will be breaking everything! 

Not whilst I am alive….

I am on a misson, trust me…I have to help her understand, persevering always! 

So at the point of analysing and deciding what lesson to teach her, I decided that I will not be buying her what she wanted because she refuses to stop touching what she isn’t supposed to touch…

Oh my, the complete attack, she chased me around the shop, she hit me, she threatened me, screaming on top of her lungs…”No I want my sausage now” “you meanie” “I hate you” “I want to run away from you”…oh my the list is endless…

But by now the whole world is watching, faces like wet fish…no compassion, no understanding…just complete ignorance…you are being judged by those looks..well by now I don’t actually care…but I got more upset because my sister who was with us, and 8 months pregnant was also upset from all the stares and glares…the laughing and sniggering…wow such heart breaking ignorance in 2017! The world needs educating…

So I went on one! 

Sorry but no in between with me, I was speaking to the world now…”don’t stare it is rude and unpleasant” “such ignorance” “no one asks you if you are ok? Or if the child is ok?” “Don’t worry, carry on shopping…she is fine” “doing alot better than most of you” “if a child was blind, deaf in a wheelchair you will understand, but when it is a mental disability you don’t” “watch me hard, and learn from me”

This is so sad, people will watch her and laugh not realising that her little mind is in turmoil, she can’t stop when she gets in that zone…she has so much going on and this her way of expressing (at the moment).. she is 7 in a week but acts like she is 2…but more shocking as she doesn’t look 2, she looks 10 and speaks like 16…

I am not going to make my life easier or the world’s just to have peace by giving in…unfortunately the reality of life and society doesn’t accept such behaviours as she grows into teenagehood and adulthood….so I am not going to raise her with the delusion, that her behaviour is acceptable…I am basically going to help and direct her no matter how hard it gets…

Yes she is high functioning Autistic, and she has her challenges at 7 (acts 2 when melting) and she is still finding her self… but I am not going to play that game…

I am blessed with her for a reason, I am on a mission amd that is to be real and to share my world…even if I make a 5% impact to “reduce ignorance for hidden disabilities” then I have done my bit! 

But forward and upwards I go with my world…I am determined and I will never ever give up the struggle.πŸ•ŠπŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

When the time comes…

There is nothing you can do about “timing”…

By now, I am a firm believer in “there is time for everything under the sun, moon and stars”…

Every season in our lives, comes and goes as it is supposed to….it is how we deal with the season that truly matters.

I am reflecting everyday, looking at my very own self in the mirror and seeing all my shades…

I stood up for myself in the most unbelievable way on Monday, I mean even to my own self this was a revelation! Completely shocking!

Not in the normal way that I would stand up for myself. In the past it would have been wholeheartedly, with emotions all over the place… But this time it was more realistically…with my head and then my heart was at peace!

I see a pattern, my strength growing in abundance. I am actually happier, because I deserve to be just that….happy, with myself and in my very own skin…

It is a great feeling…I don’t have to be complacent, I have to put my beautiful soul first. I must indeed find solace in my growing strength, letting my beauty shine through without any painful effort…

My time is here, time for me to be exactly who God intended. Time and place for my lifeπŸ•Š

Ventures with my children…autism in tow!

You forget that a time always comes, when you completely feel overwhelmed and maybe a scream or cry would help…but not when its around a high functioning autistic child!

Last few days have been hellish! I hardly take my daughter to crowded areas (shopping centres)…

But I decided on Monday, we’d go and buy some school things. We got there, and then hell broke lose! Everything she liked, she picked and I said no to buying and her response was shocking but yet expected! 

She doesn’t understand “authority” how dare you say no to her? She starts to say all sorts…you are a “meanie” “I hate you” “you don’t love me” “you are diarrhoea”….my goodness the abuse was endless…and I have two other children with me, just quietly looking in disbelief!

But hey this is what we deal with when we are out…she doesn’t have boundaries or even a filter…she just loses it, because she can’t get her own way!

I felt like crying, I felt like breaking into pieces….but I remained disciplined, learnt from the last time. Still learning everyday… I have to be in control, not allowing her to get to me….not allowing the world to get to me, because all eyes are on us now…

It can be a lonely and a sad world, when you are in that moment with this child…no compassion…you soon realise that, you have to be it all! 

It didn’t stop there, it is a pattern…you say no and she just doesn’t seem to accept it!

This is my battle, my challenge…to help her to understand “authority” to accept “adult instructions”…to not internalise and react when she doesn’t get everything…this is the most difficult part…

I am unbiased however, she is mine and I love her no matter what. My focus is to continue to love her unconditionally, but at the same time show her the errors of her ways…but what are her ways at 7? I don’t have the answers…I just have perseverance. 

May God continue to guide my struggles and may our ventures continue regardless, because we have others to consider! 

πŸ•ŠπŸ’ŸπŸ•Š