Tag Archives: freedom

Flying solo…

I am free, well I feel free…mentally I have the power to set my mind free…

A lesson learned well after, you see in this very moment…I am faced with many actions by others, intended to disrupt me…but I have learned a few life lessons…

I am not allowing the emptiness of others drain my full cup…

It shouldn’t be a battle…it should just be easy! Easy as it is now, for me to be free…flying free and solo! 

I won’t join the bandwagon, I won’t stoop low….I am standing with my head up my darlingπŸ’ŸπŸ•Š

My God, my saving grace, my comfort…

My all…My sense of reason…my complete understanding of what I must do and how I must stand…

Even as mere human, I must stand tall even when I am to stand small…

The road to my strength, to my salvation has been tough and rough on most parts…but I remain silently positive…

I will never forsake thee, I will scream and shout until the day that I die…that my God is my only salvation…

My peace of mind, my father, my mother…my complete contentment.

The devil may set a trap for me often, and blindly I fall deep…but my salvation, always restores my soul…

I shall never be without the true and pure Love of my God. My saving grace, my comforter, my salvation, my shoulder to cry on, my peace…oh how my love runs deep, so deep for my GodπŸ•Š

I am finally free, able to stand tall regardless, and say no….I deserve more than you, mere human can give me. You can not sustain me, you can not comfort or save me…because my God is my only true and pure salvation. Glory be to my God alwaysπŸ•ŠπŸ•ŠπŸ•Š

For so long…

For so long I have lived with my pain…

I think about it everyday…about you and why you are the way that you are…

I have for the last 12 years, been in so much turmoil…trying to move on, thinking I am the problem…but yet I find myself back at the beginning!

It has taken me a while, a while to be able to even write this on my blog! Always questioning myself…whether I am doing the right thing…

I feel now is the time, time to say it and own it and bury it…there is no more hope…

I have spent so many years crying, hurting…and when I see how beautiful I am as a mother, I don’t want my children to wallow in my pain too…

No matter how old you are, you want your mother’s unconditional love and support! And even more so when you never got it from the beginning…the void and pain left for you, is so undescribable…

Words alone can never express the damage, but I live with hope…hope for my soul, to be free from this void…

I want to feel happy with all that I do, right or wrong…my mistakes, I learn from them…I don’t want to share my life anymore…simply because all I ever receive as encouragement is negativity…

The best part of me, seems to be soaked up by my void…my anger towards your empty Love…I can now accept that after all my outburts to you, you still don’t get it…
I have poured my heart to you, pleaded with you….but you still always take me back there…

I just want to be free…free to live without your permission or your consent…πŸ•ŠπŸ•ŠπŸ•Š

My Mother, My Pain…

Forever displaced, my understanding of you.

I can never understand you.
I choose to love you, yet my heart still breaks.
You are the source of my pain.
The source of my anger…

When you don’t know what to do with your frustrations……you explode!

I think I have done it all, said it all…yet I return to the same place.
A place where everything is displaced.
From within I am still searching…

I have alot more answers, but still no closure, it constantly affects me…

Will you ever see your ways…the errors of your own ways? I won’t hold my breadth but I will for my soul πŸ•Š

My sanity is of the most important, in order to get on track I must release the shackles…

From where I begun, I must continue from there…but with complete sincerity!πŸ•ŠπŸ•ŠπŸ•Š

 

Because I have changed!

Maybe once upon a time I would have called you by now, messaged you and poured my heart out to you… 

Expressing how you made me feel that day…

But now things have really changed…I am not that ‘girl’ any longer…

You helped me become that ‘woman’! I don’t want to express myself to you…mainly because you should know me by now…

I could have questions, but I don’t think you have answers, I feel I already have my answers…throughout you gave me all the answers I needed…

You can’t provoke or antagonise me, because I won’t let you. No matter what you do, I will continue to pray for you.

I don’t have anything nice to say to you directly, so I say nothing at all..this is indeed my stance!!!

Thank you

Because of you I am here…

Because of your ways I am still here…

I am grateful to you, for all the pain…

For all the tears, for all the abuse…

I am still here and stronger because of you…

I am forever grateful to you, because without all that…

I wouldn’t be smiling now…so Thank you and God bless you always πŸ•Šβ€

Recklessly Peaceful…

  Better to be free, free from the grips of despair…even if very small. One must be able to fly freely. The feeling at the moment is to be free indeed…

I have been contemplating as I always do…

My mind full of new revelations… I am not that surprised but I am really amazed by my strength,

Most especially my growth, the mature way I look at it all. 

The best thing is to write it down. Somehow pour it out, don’t do it the way you used to… “Note to self” I must be free…

Free from the clutches of what used to seem like normal, but now I see it wasn’t so normal? Now it really feels and looks abnormal. So I feel like I was always making that effort. Effort with plenty of love. Love always prevails! 

And now I finally choose to be free, I don’t want to be griped any longer. So let us not be reckless, but peaceful…

Be open, share your story…

I was having a coffee Friday 20/11/15 with some friends and I was approached by a woman. She was a small sweet looking Chinese woman, probably in her 70s and she was very sweet indeed. She asked if I was Nigerian? She said my accent sounded like her friends Joy. She was very pleasant and said she enjoyed listening to our conversation. I liked her straight away, she had a positive aura about her. She invited me to an event to learn about making money from home. She gave me her number, I gave her mine. I told her I would call her to let her know if I could attend as I have childcare commitments…then she asked about my children, and anytime I speak about my children I get so excited to talk about them, about motherhood! I just went into one, talking about my children and what they mean to me and this world. How important it is for me to be completely devoted to my children, as it is so easy in our world today to be lost and selfish. She just welled up, tears filled her eyes and she wiped it away. I was in amazement, she said she was touched by me. How I spoke…wow that’s why I had to write this, I really just want to meet people and touch their very souls with my story, with my love, with my heart and passion. This is what makes me even more determined. So many people, no matter how old….have some deep pain that stems from some place…some people realise and some never do! I have been blessed and eternally grateful to be a mother, my emancipation began just then. And I believe you must really submit yourself to the cause. This is where you learn and grow and find yourself, your strength and then you can share with others. Empowering others is my personal mission. May God continue to bless my passion for my mission! I was born for a reason, to go through turmoils and to blossom right now. To share and to love freely, like I have never been hurt before! I can’t and won’t stop, as long as I have breath!

I Love You, I Let You Go…

I feel deeply and madly for you. I feel your energy and your spirit is ever so bright. It’s not just what you put outside, I can see inside your beautiful soul. I know you don’t even realise how amazing you are, I don’t hold that against you. In fact I feel more love for you….however I must let you go, let you fly and be free like a bird. Because of my true love for you, if you love me the same I know you will fly back to me. I can’t make you do anything you don’t want to, I don’t want you to do anything just to please me. I want you to be happy too. I see myself selfish if I only ponder on my feelings for you, making you feel obligated to me. You, I want to be completely obligated to your soul. I am going no where, as long as I have breath. I will be here when you fly back to me. For the one I love, I love you deeply and loving you deeply means accepting you for who you are. Letting you go doesn’t mean I don’t feel pain, or miss you. I cry for you often, but it’s only because I truly love you. I must let you go.

Oscillating Being…

You are indeed an oscillated being! You keep moving back and forth with a regular rhythm! That’s what oscillating means. And I relate this to you. I see you as stagnant, but yet your soul is searching. I think you are searching for yourself. But you can’t see that you are, instead you keep it at the same pace hoping that you get to some place. The place you get to, is the place you are meant to get to. But you can’t possibly know how and when you get there. In the meantime you can only oscillate as that’s what you have been accustomed to. That’s not to say you are not worthy, just means you haven’t looked outside yet. It feels more comfortable in a routine.  I can’t promise that I will meet you there when you get there, because our journies are not the same. However if you reach out to me, I will be always supportive because I love you. I love you still as an oscillating being!